Thursday, March 2, 2017

Merry go-round

I wake up at 8ish on a Thursday morning. Yet again I have another dream of putting clothes away at Shopko, a store I used to work part-time for growing up. But this time there was a panel watching me put clothes away and a beautiful song playing while the panel lingered gratfully listening.
I used to have alot of dreams I was working at previously worked jobs I since left. Each with a weird twist. One dream I do remember was I was waitressing for rich people until late into the night at my last job, Le Chateau. A Mansion with several darkly lite sepia toned floors, but this time a red carpet lined the halls where the kids of the owners frolicked while I scurried around looking for wine glasses in the dark.
Today I feel yet again I am walking up back in time. Coming from Texas during an 88 degree spring I now am facing snow in Wisconsin every week and a snail like pace day to day. I am waking up in the same dream, the same day over and over even though I know I 've made changes. Last nite I finished 2 pieces. I will try not getting lost in a day dream while in this place that looks like child hood memories.  I am going to stick to a plan and tackle an Artist website and create an online port folio.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Home Again

I sit with elbows curved beside my black card table used for painting. With a pot of fres coffee brewed my eyes settle on Jay Street. A Squirrel lingers then runs up a tree infront after a man shuffles into Pickerman's restaurant. How did the squirrel get soo off track that now he is stuck in a concrete desert surrounded by busy people and vehicles? I guess when you wonder off any path into the unknown your life can take several turns you would rather miss. That is what risk is, a challenge to get to the other side where safety and stability are.

After meeting many people involved in Art Careers from Muralists, Art Representatives, and Glass blowers, Painters and more I realized a full-time career in Art is a sliding scale. By sliding scale I mean it is similar to a round glass revolving door at a Mall, where several people trickle in or dont. The big twirl is opportunity and some hitch the ride and find themselves with several commissions and work. Others that are not aligned, or perhaps missing something miss the swing of the glass and  have to hop into the next window of opportunity.  How much waiting is worth the risk in an Art career? Some days I ponder this up hill climb, waiting on others for your next potentital sale or project. I must remind myself of the past truths to remedy doubt. I received numerous commissions in Texas and was consistently at work from painting a Polynesian band, the Chamber of commerce, a large window piece for the Patout building in downtown Navasota Texas and so on. So why does fear sink in to me once in awhile after knowing the ebb and flow of opportunity? 

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Saying thank you's & Good byes

I waltz outside and smell the pink roses that grow in the front yard. Their fragrance barely lingers long after the bloom. The pink is a buttery salmon that is sliding up a skinny stem. I would stay here forever, living in this house I came to love. The bulding has history and fragrant flowers stain the yard. I catch Neo, a stray cat I named eating a tiny grass snake. He turns and looks at me while the tail half of a snake flip flops beneath his paw.  He dismissed the snake and trotted towards me for pets. Today is sunny and the snake reminded me of the story of Ouroboros, an Egyptian symbol for formless disorder, introspection, and the world's periodic renewal. I went through these waves in life and circles and its as if the cycle is broken and I can now begin on a straight and narrow path. One I will create instead of prophesize.
The snake wont be eating it's own tail anytime soon...

 It's hard not to relate this symbol to my stay here in Navasota, Texas. This place made me reborn. A Phoenix from the ashes. Being here and away from everything I knew made me stronger, and believe in myself like I haven't before. Having peoples interest and being watered with some fresh opportunity and down time to heal past tragedies puts things back into check. I went on numerous walks with Chase (the pup across the street.) Living in this 18th century house restored my faith in life as I know it. I stopped the negative karmic relationship cycle I create in my love life. I made mistakes. Tried walking in circles of the Houston Art Scene, dug deep to scab the past, and I started seeing why I attract what I do. I realised the more I valued me, others followed suit. People walked into my life that had the very thoughts and traits I possessed. From Jame's spirit, to Jose's karmic kindesses, to Russel's belief in the passions of a young artist...these 6 months have been well worth the weight in gold.  Gold being 6 month's time away from Colin, my cats, my home, and everything that made the old me. Today I say goodbye to the old me and told her its time to start over and risk a new adventure.

Monday, February 6, 2017


Yesterday I floated around a canvas, painting a familiar image. James came over to sage, ceder, and bless the land the Historic Horlock House sits upon. A medium told James and I there were unrested spirit's attached to it (and me) at a Body, mind, and Soul in the weeks previous.
I felt dizzy and weighted as he saged Hufreesh and I. We burnt tobacco after thinking of our intentions for the unrested spirits. I made a large pot of lemon grass tea, then walked barefoot outside. I knew that was the real reason why we came to the Horlock house, Hufreesh voiced my thoughts aloud as we sat upon the blue porch watching Jame's rituals.
A trumpeting train beckons behind the building I sit in while I rehearse yesterday. I sold a pair of Rose Gold Morganite earrings, downed a latte,  and  am contemplating my next move. Minimalize, reorganize, and find peaceful moments throughout the day. These are my current priorities.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Truth Serum

Lastnite I feverishly stumbled around the Horlock House extremely whoozy. I felt like a mouse drowning in sticky cold beer. I took a liquid probiotic that did not agree with me. Fuorescent lighting burnt my retinas while I arounded the bathroom corner. Ascending down the robin egg blue stairs I curved a left into the shower room. I took a darkly lite shower. What wasn't normal were all the changes my body has made lately. Alcohol makes my right side hurt, same with birth control, and now I finally found the reason. I believe this is all stemming back to my Amalgam fillings that are WAY overdue for removal. Amalgam silver fillings are made from a blend of metals which contain up to 50% mercury. Mercury is a Neuro-toxin. My body has been getting hormonal changes, UTI's, yeast infections, and allergic reactions from the simplest of products. Deodorant even gave me hives for Godsake. (Used the same brand for a year.)

Whenever I take probiotic I feel drunk hours later for some reason. I blame this for a night riddled with nightmares. And previous nights as well. I had a nightmare soo intense I woke up. I woke right when a white witch of God-like faith gave me a truth serum by unsealing my lips to my soul by the help of an angel. Lies, I was made of them I snarled through cement lips as my body sucummed a deep possession state. Crystals of all types surrounded me in the dream.

 3pm Today  I drink a beer at an Art Council fundraiser BBQ in College Station. So far I have sold one piece. A older man in an olive green hat happened by to tell me how hard it is to make it as an Artist. He proceeded telling me he was one of the lucky ones in the 60's. One day in Connecticut a stranger strolling by his barn Gallery said, " lets make you famous" he recalled. He even stated that exact man was a friend of Vincent Von Gogh. Apparently his friend has funny stories of being with him. After telling me how Art is a business he added I need to frame my work, name it, and sign it. I know I was nodding my head and but I wasnt in the mood to hear yet another person tell me how tough being an Artist is. I choose not to believe it. I want all possiblies open and available to me, if I give into that thought I would be backtracking on all the internal work I have made. Valuable work I have done spiritually like knowing I am worth anything, also that I can achieve anything.

"The shit doesnt stop until YOU stop."- As Jame's band mate proclaims

Monday, January 9, 2017

Changing the Future before it changes you.

When I was younger I looked at life like a series of events that one needed to go through in order to become an adult. Now I look back at turning 18 and I knew I was young so I used it to my advantage because it wouldn't last. Ten years later I am glad I did. I am glad I sat on beaches, seen all the famous museums from New York to California. I also wasted alot of time at jobs that didn't suit me and with people that didnt as well.

Currently I stare through the front left Window at Harvest Cafe in downtown Bryan Texas. I wonder about the new people I will meet in the future and what traits will they have that make me question mine, to grow as a person. I chose the path of not loving a child for my own expansion while alot of woman I know have. While on my journey all the time in the world is allowed for me to grow, if I had that child where on the path would I be? Would I stop focusing on me? Now that I have all the time in the world to grow I need to use it to learn from all the lessons I ignore and repeat. I like not knowing what the next chapter in my life will be but that is hard for someone who sees future potentials. I made previous decisions on the future potentials I I wonder if no matter what I do the lesson was fated to happen for my own expansion and will it still come even when I opt out of an experience. I am starting to believe this maybe true.

Monday, November 28, 2016


Divine right timing. Do you know what it is? If you havent spent much time to wonder inside yourself or havent mastered manifestation, vibrational and karamic laws that govern this world you may be lost in the posts ahead. This theory is no figment of the imagination. It is an order, a rule that is guided by your desires. A labyrinth of creation. The birth of your pathway in life, because you create all aspects of your life just by having thoughts and desires, by being alive or simply, "being."  There is more mystery in this philosophy than I opted into knowing yet, but I've been learning, whatever that affords me.

 Last nite I was sanding masonite boards inside of the Horlock House Garage. I tied a dress around my face for a mask and used a power sander James lent me. A man I made friends with the moment we met, for I trusted him. I got that feeling and ran with it. Where others were hesitant I was wide open and I am glad to see my intution has perfect aim. He made the house dinner and fixed the door latch soon after and recently we spent thanksgiving together but more on that later. While I sanded Jose invited me over for a beer and gave me a turkey leg. Walking over we chatted for a time. We spoke of the renissance fair we both  attended recently and I learnt of his family situation.
  He told me a few years back his wife got her tubes tied but he wanted another baby, so they went to the doctor and they happened upon a tumor growth that wasnt cancerous but they proceeded with a hysterectomy. That is an example of divine right timing created by desire. Jose's desire let his wife happen upon a tumor she wasn't aware of. He added a new pathway for his wife, some call this divine or fate. I beg to differ because at some point it was you who acted upon desires and let yourself have them.

Let yourself be loved, rejected, gifted, stolen from, and everything else that comes your way. Learn from the experiences that unfold even if they end your story. For the point isnt about the circumstance it is about the meaning you derive from the experience you're having.

Since I have been taking Chase (Jose's dog) for a walk instead of whining about him  needing exercise it has opened new doors of learning. By being the change I wish to see I opened the cage of my mind. Try for a day to relinquish your boundries, beliefs, and attachments. Question them and have fun with changing the pieces on the board to create new pathways in the labyrinth of your mind for it will mirror in the phsyical world soon after.